That is what my life has felt like for the past couple of days. without sharing details and revealing other peoples business and some of my own...I am feeling pretty down by some recent events in life..
Particularly the past couple of days...either things that have happened to people in my life very close to me that I love, or things other people have done...getting to that place where for the sake of sanity a retreat into my head where I am alone and can sort through the clutter that is there for a bit and get back on track.
Very happy to be returning to work in the morning that is for sure. Not sure how well I'm going to be in two weeks when the check I had surgery during comes through...I know I will find a way..I'm a tough cookie. If you only want sunshine and rainbows every day of the week my friends...this blog is probably not for you. HA...kinda sounded like the opening of the movie Series of Unfortunate Events didn't it? And while we are on the topic of who my blog is not for...I have some thoughts to share.
Some you may relate to or disagree entirely with...but gotta get it out of my head there is just too much up there right now for anything good to come from it.
Somerset Studios. Been my dream for years to have my work published in one of several publications. Have never submitted to them...possibly out of fear of failure? Lame excuse but it is very true. And there is another reason. I'm not one thing. I'm not always sunshine and rainbows I live a real life with a job not related to art. I do not have a studio I have a corner to create in. Everything in my living room is not white...is anyone's really? Where do those things come from? Do people have that kind of money to recreate their homes every other week to submit for publication. I'm just a real girl. I dont stick to one medium. I have a degree in graphic design, I sketch I paint I blog I take photos, I work in Photoshop and other digital programs...I sew, I stitch...I recycle anything I can to create things from...I make memories, I journal, I make ATC's and mail art....which publication would I even submit to and do they just pick poor girls who love to create who can't live without it?
Who doesn't have one particular style.. who cant be pegged as JUST a mixed media artist or just a Artful Blogger...believe me...Somerset Studios is not at all what so ever being bashed here...I suppose it is myself for not having the courage or the time to go after what my soul screams for. I am the sole supporter of my family...I have to work and it is in Education not an art field.
I'm just a girl...who needs art in her life in any form or method or technique that calls to me...Some days I tell myself ..your work is just as worthy...your work is worthy of them...and other days like right now when I feel down or angry with myself for not reaching farther..for not mastering one thing and sticking to it...and the voice in the back of my head says SCREW THAT that isn't who I am I dont stick to just one thing I see art in every light, in every thing I do in every breath I take...awake..or sleeping...its never the same...I'm not one thing and I don't want to be one thing.
So many people inspire me and touch me in such great ways artistically...I see their work in every publication I pick up and I wonder if there are others...just like me who fear their worth to be among the rest...I know there must be others who despite being incredibly happy someone got noticed or rushing to buy it the day it hits stands cause your pal or artful acquaintance got the cover...but deep inside there is the swimming parasite that has a bad negative voice...saying...you cant touch this...look how good their work is this makes your stuff look like crap!
And then...the warrior chick in me has a voice too...and she demands that evil bug shut its mouth because all it takes is some courage...that's what you tell your girls Debbie...have courage and just do it you will never know til you try.
This is good because usually...
it is when I get angry with myself
that good big things happen...
Feels like my life is seriously calling for some change....
can you feel that? It's coming.